Grains of Salt

Snapshots of life, dispatches from motherhood.

This was my last pre-Whole30 taco. An occasion that felt super important to mark because over the last 6 days I’ve consumed less tacos than in longer than I care to admit.

Jack’s view of the apartment this past week. Post surgery, wearing a diaper because poor guy had his second bladder stone issue in less than a year. Oh and not even joking, Ian and I are the only two beings in our apartment right now not dealing with incontinence. For the first time in my life, one of the most exciting things about going into the office is taking a break from changing diapers.

Finally went to Jack’s Wife Freda for a coffee with my sister. Our offices are in the same neighborhood so check-ins are easier to schedule. Also, it’s really damn nice to have a pause in the middle of the morning. You know, after the mad rush out the door with baby but before the first meeting.

This onesie. Because it finally fits and good gracious did he ever.

This unlikely pairing. Because a week later and they’re still standing strong. Cheapest flowers at the bodega, you win!

This Week in Sugar

Hello, welcome to the 14th month of Winter. March snow storms on the East Coast aren’t uncommon but every time they happen I feel that everyone is equally shocked and appalled. Like, hello! We’ve been encompassed in this grey, dull, sunless state for so long - March feels like it should be the beginning of a reprieve but it’s not. I don’t know why we don’t adjust our expectations but if we can’t do it for the federal government, the justice system, healthcare why would we be able to do it for the weather?

Because I’m a master of self inflicted difficulty I chose one of the most drab months of the year to do a Whole30. When I say “I chose” what I mean is I procrastinated all through January then all through February and now holy shit it’s March and I’m still not the healthy beacon of modern motherhood I aim to be! So now I’m on day 3 of a Whole30 and even though yesterday I proclaimed to my office mate that “I do not need sugar! I have zero cravings. Do I even like sugar?!” today I woke up hoping to fall face first into a jar of Nutella. Literally the entire world looks like the most appealing, gift wrapped, sexiest sugar cube to me. This is my, no joke right now, SEVENTH attempt at this diet so this time I will power through. What’s another twenty-seven days of this? I can do it. For your reading pleasure, here are all the things I wish I could be eating but will not be. Why? Because I am a strong powerful woman who does not need sugar to complete me and wants to reset her digestive tract because that’s a thing we want in our 30s.

• almond croissant with super crispy, flaky edges and powdered sugar

• an entire pint of Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia ice cream

• banana pancakes soaked in maple syrup with whipped cream and a side of whipped cream

• whipped cream - the real kind, homemade with full fat cream and loads of sugar

• eggo waffle drowning in maple syrup

• granola parfait with loads of honey

• merengues, many merengues.

• flourless chocolate cake

• cheesecake - I don’t even really like cheesecake but whatever

• Greek salad because apparently every dressing/sauce/thing you love and thought was “healthy” is also packed with sugar

Instead I’m ordering an almond milk latte and living out my personal nightmare of having to ask the barista if the almond milk has added sugar. Then I’m going to eat this seven minute egg because I’m that person now. If you spot me in Crocs next time you see me please stage an intervention.

New Year goals for the New Mama

Happy New Year! We returned from our annual trip to South Carolina last Friday, recaps of previous years here and here if you’d like to walk down memory lane with me. I’ll post more photos from this year soon!

In the meantime, let’s jump back to my previous post on self care and consistency. The first thing I noticed when we touched down in NYC last week was how quickly all my anxiety returned. A wave that hit me so hard I haven’t been able to shake it for a few days now. Instead of letting the worry marinate and ruin the first few days of 2019 and the last of my Winter Break, I’m tackling it head on. Not making a ton of resolutions because I break those. What I am doing is putting my foot down and not letting the bad habits, the reflex to feel anxious and flood myself with activity and no recharge time take over.

Being a full time working mother has been a huge adjustment. Massive. It’s time to adapt my self-care to reflect that change.

New Year Goals for the New Mama

1. Spend one hour a day alone. Alone time is as important as family time. Whether it’s going for a walk or sitting down for coffee, I am committing one hour out of every day for me to spend with me. Not alone but sorting laundry and not alone but making dinner. Even on days when it seems unreasonable, one hour isn’t that hard to cobble together. Getting off the subway a bit earlier and walking to work, even that counts as alone time.

2. Exercise. This is a longer, much more sore subject but, going forward this is a non-negotiable. Just like brushing teeth or showering. More to come, when I’m feeling a bit more brave to share.

3. Stop running on sugar + coffee. For all my cooking, I tend to fall into a pattern of snacking and drinking coffee throughout the day to keep myself going. Instead of starting my days with a cup of coffee I’ve been opting for some hot water with lemon. Packing my water bottle into my work bag daily is also a new must.

4. Read. I used to be a voracious reader. Like, the kind of obnoxious person who actually gets through an entire issue of The New Yorker in one weekend. Of course with baby and work I don’t have that kind of time anymore. But before bed, when I usually have an hour or so and scroll through social media, I’m going to start choosing books again.

5. Work my way through a cookbook. My hobbies have taken a backseat to a million other things. In order to get back into them I need to recommit to making time for interests, old and new. I know there are things I enjoy beyond making bottles and pureeing baby food. Recently, I made meatballs from a cookbook and followed the directions word for word. The entire time I felt relaxed and motivated. Picking a few cookbooks in 2019 and working my way through them. I have some ideas but also open to suggestions! Comment below.

6. Keep a written planner. I referenced this in the last post, but I’ve fallen into the bad habit of making lists in my head and not writing things down. Instead of having a tangible way of looking at my week, I am a whirlwind of mental notes to not forget. Reminding myself not to forget is a sure fire way to forget. To stop this mess, I bought an old fashioned planner. No Google calendar, no Outlook, just pen to paper. My goal is to start writing things down. Not just “to-do” things but also ideas, notes to myself. One day at a time feels much more manageable than the entire week in my head all at once.

7. Clean out my purse weekly. I don’t know how else to describe the contents of my purse the last few months other than as a cacophony of crap. Everything is in there. Bibs, bottles, 3 lip gloss/moisturizer situations, two lip stains, receipts, pens, a picture frame, balls, puffs, you could probably find apartment keys to someone else’s home if you looked long enough. I get so much anxiety just trying to find something I’ve started carrying a separate tote for my wallet. No more. I’m reclaiming my space and committing to cleaning it out at the end of the work week. Organized purse, organized life - something like that.

There you have it. Or more like, there I have it. A few steps to put me on the right path in 2019. If any of you have experienced a similar tug of war between self care and all the rest, let’s talk. I would love to know how you approach taking time out to make yourself a priority.